


Beneath You

by xDariix



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Gen, Humor, Treasure Hunter AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-23 09:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3763558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDariix/pseuds/xDariix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack finds an ancient map. He takes it to an old friend, Geoff. Geoff takes it to Gavin who is the only one who can decode it. Gavin figures they need more men for this adventure, so he calls on his lads. And Ryan will somehow squeeze himself into the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Let's Play!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! First RT/AH fanfic. My sister and I wrote this and I hope you all enjoy!

**Chapter 1 - Let's Play!**

_~Intro~_

There are many legends and tales of treasures lost to the modern world. Gold, gems the size of a mans head, artifacts buried under the sands of time, waiting to be rediscovered. Some are, while others lay in the hulls of broken ships at the bottom of the ocean, or in caves, laden with puzzles and traps in the heart of a wild jungle.

There are men, men who seek adventure, who seek fame, who seek fortune, searching endlessly for the truth in legends and tales. Answers are a fickle thing in the world of these men. To seek it, they travel around the world, face perilous tasks and enemies and even then, the answer they seek, may never be found.

Jack Pattillo is not one of these men. For what Jack has stumbled onto, has no legends or tales. The bearded man pours many hours away, searching for a whisper to what he has found. The world does not answer.

With no response, Jack spends weeks authenticating his finding. When he confirms the authenticity of the artifact, he goes to the only man who he can trust with this newfound discovery.

Geoffrey Lazer Ramsey.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

“You sure about this Geoff?” Jack asks, eyeing the map, “I mean this isn’t exactly a two man job. And there’s not many people who know how to function puzzle maps and decode codexes like these.”

“I know a guy.” Geoff says confidently.

Jack sighs. “Geoff, no offense, but the last time you said that, mercenaries chased us across the globe and we almost died. Multiple times. Not to mention the fact that trouble seems to follow that kid everywhere he goes.”

“He got us there though, didn’t he?” Geoff asks, “And we’re still alive, aren’t we?”

Jack sighs again. “Okay,” he says, “So long as it’s not that skinny prick, I’m down for it.”

There’s a long silence in which Geoff observes the walls of his house as if he’d never seen them before. “Uhhhh…” The Gent says, scratching the back of his head.

“No.” Jack deadpans. He facepalms. “Seriously?”

“Hey, Geoff, I know you told me to stay out of this room, but I really, really need a – hey Jack! So nice to see you!”

Gavin Free is standing in the doorway and it takes all of Jack’s willpower not to get up and punch the little shit's nose.

“Ah–Gavin!” Geoff shouts with too much enthusiasm for someone being death glared at, “We were just talking about you. Come here! Take a seat!” He gestures to the chair next to Jack.

“Talking about me?” Gavin repeats curiously. Oblivious to Jack’s anger, he lowers himself beside the older man.

Geoff slides the map away from him and spins it so it’s facing Gavin the right way. The lad looks at it for a second, then back up at Geoff, who’s looking at him expectantly.

“Well?” he asks, when all Gavin does is stare back.

“Well what?” Gavin replies.

“The map.” Geoff nods towards it, “Read it.” Gavin turns back to it, eyes scanning it more carefully. “There’s crypted writing on the top right…” Geoff points out, but Gavin’s eyes are already on it. “What’s it say?”

“Wait.” Jack grabs the map from in front of Gavin. “Since when did we decide he’ll be joining us?”

“Since he’s the only one who knows how to decrypt ancient codes.” Geoff shoots back. He holds his hand out for the map.

Jack stares at the extended limb petulantly, making no move to hand it back. But Geoff outwaits him with an air of patience, that hints that situations like this occur on a regular basis.

Eventually, Jack caves and hands the map back, though reluctance is clear on his face.

Geoff gives Jack an approving nod as a silent ‘thanks’ and places the map back in front of Gavin. The Brit scans the map once more with a scrutinizing gaze. Jack, meanwhile, eyes him suspiciously, expecting something to go wrong any second now. You never know with Gavin.

But the lad's eyes only flit over the ancient paper before he sets it down gingerly on the table and says, “We’re gonna need more people.”

~.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, first chapter. How was it?  
> As you can tell, this is mostly just comedy. I hope it was funny enough.  
> Keep your eyes out for the next chapter!  
> Darii, out.


	2. The Fuck Train Has No Brakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, second chapter. Enjoy!

**Chapter 2 - The Fuck Train Has No Brakes**

Ray Narvaez Jr is looking for Ray Narvaez Sr. Well, he was. For exactly twelve seconds, until he got sidetracked by something far more important.

The siren call of his Xbox reeled him in. And now, it is two thirty-four in the afternoon, three days after getting sidetracked and he has only just begun to stink. He’s pretty sure he can last another two days…maybe two months, before the stench gets to him and he’ll be forced to drop the Xbox controller in favor of taking a shower.

Around him, there are several cans, empty and full, of Red Bull and chips wrappers, opened and unopened. Everything is well within reach and the only energy he uses is on his fingers, rapidly tapping buttons on the controller and, of course, his need to get up and relieve himself.

With this arrangement, Ray is set for days.

As BrownMan shoots BM Vagabond down, there is a knock on the door.

The confusing thing is that BrownMan is at the beach. There in no door available to be knocked on.

 _Is this a glitch?_ He thinks. _Am I stuck in some kind of a lag?_

Dammit, not a lag again.

It takes Ray’s brain several seconds to register that the knock is from the outernet.

_Not the outernet…_

Ray believes, or at least forces himself to believe, that if he just ignores it, the knocks will eventually cease. Alas, the knocks persist and are soon joined by a loud bird playing at being a human.

“Ray! Open up!” Gavin squawks as the gentle knocks upgrade to violent banging. “I know you’re in there!”

Ray sighs. He sends a quick message to BM Vagabond that says, ‘G2G. Douchey friend is here’ and turns off the Xbox.

By the time he’s done, the violent banging has somehow gotten louder. Ray wouldn’t be surprised if Gavin is hurling his body at the door right now.

He opens the door to find Gavin hurling his landlord at the door repeatedly.

Before Ray can stop Gavin, the brit has already begun chucking the elderly landlord at the door again. Ray is too slow to dodge, reflexes sloppy from days worth of immersing himself in his video games.

The landlord crashes into him and the two tumble back into the apartment. Ray’s cry of surprise is lost in Gavin’s squawks as he apologizes to the landlord for his actions.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

“Dammit Gavin, that’s the seventh place you got me kicked out of.” Ray growls as the two leave the police station with the intent to get slurpees from a nearby 7/11. “I’m pretty sure I’m blacklisted in this area. Maybe even the entire state! Where am I supposed to live now?”

“You can live with me!” Gavin offers cheerfully, “X-Ray and Vav?”

Ray looks at him dubiously and asks, “You got a place? Get outta here!”

Gavin shrugs. “I’m as surprised as you are.” he replies and then quickly changes the topic by pulling something out of his pocket. It’s a folded piece of paper that he hands to Ray and gleefully waits for him to open it.

The lad doesn’t bother reading it.

“Dafuq is this?” he asks, as he shoves the paper back to Gavin. He might have used some unnecessary force, but Gavin did get him kicked out, so he deserves it.

Gavin is not affected by Ray’s show of aggression and instead rolls with it, informing Ray in an intelligent tone, “This, my friend, is what will set us up for the rest of our lives.” He looks at the piece of paper fondly before putting it back in his breast pocket and following it with a gentle pat to the area.

“Reading a poem will set me up for life?” Ray questions, “Shit! Better start reading some Edgar Allen Poe, then!”

“No,” Gavin says before the New Yorker can unleash the true force of his sarcasm upon him, “Reading the translation of the poem will.”

Ray folds his arms and stops walking in the middle of a zebra crossing. Cars honk at him impatiently as Gavin continues waking. Ray remains there.

“I didn’t read the poem.” Ray admits. He holds out his hand and Gavin gives the paper to him once more.

Ray’s eyes flit across the paper as cars continue honking. A moment later, he lowers the paper and slowly turns to the driver constantly honking at him.

“Get a move on!” The angered man yells.

Ray blinks and give the man the middle finger and fuck-trains his way off the zebra crossing.

When he reaches the other side, he admits, “Yeah, I didn’t get a word of that.”

Gavin takes the paper from him and says,, “I’ll explain it to you after we get the slurpees. But one thing is for certain…we’re gonna need someone. Someone quick, someone brave and strong,” his eyes take on a strange glint of knowing he’s about to ruin someone’s day. “We’re gonna need…”

~.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm...wonder who that will be...


	3. Suck A Dick, Gavin!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we have the next crew member! Enjoy!

**Chapter Three - Suck A Dick, Gavin!**

Michael is cautiously optimistic that the fifth attempt at having a honeymoon for a marriage that’s in it’s second year will not be interrupted. He’d ‘accidentally’ lost his phone on the cruise ship to Bora Bora, so no one can reach him. His wife had the same idea, except that she went about it with more...passion.

She smashed it into pieces with a fire extinguisher.

With no disturbances, they’ve enjoyed the past two days immensely. Bora Bora Island is blue skies, blue waters and soft sands that stretch on for miles. Their suite reflects the summer paradise with muted tones of yellow and splashes of vivid blue.

With this unfound and precious freedom, Michael has never felt more hunted. He always feels that someone is hiding behind every corner, lurking under the shade of the pitched umbrellas, crouched behind the bar as he orders a drink and snorkeling with a fake shark fin as he scuba dives with Lindsay.

He swears he’s seen tufts of light brown hair hovering in his field of vision, in the corner of his eyes, like some horrible mirage-y stalker. Every now and then, he sees flashes of black, but no one, let alone a recluse gamer would follow the definition of stupidity.

And so, Michael has decided to shrug off these blaring signs as some form of delayed PTSD and intends to enjoy his remaining time at Bora Bora. And Goddammit, this honeymoon will prevail through hell or high water!

Currently, Michael is leading Lindsay back to their suite for some sexy times. Fuck yeah!

Giggling like drunk teenagers, they stumble into the bedroom and crash onto the bed in a flurry of kisses and desperate touches.

Michael pulls away abruptly and stares into Lindsay’s eyes. “Let’s make a baby,” he whispers in a soft tone.

Michael’s words have a confusing effect on Lindsay. Her nose does the cute little scrunch that Michael loves and a moment later, she excitedly exclaims, “Really? You wanna do this?”

Michael nods eagerly. “I’m ready if you’re ready.” he says.

Lindsay smiles. “Babe, I’ve been ready for a long time.”

Michael grins back. “Lets do this.” he replies and ends the conversation with a kiss.

“All right!” A voice that grates on Michael’s ears cheers from the bathroom. “Let’s get it started!”

Michael untangles himself from Lindsay and glares as Gavin emerges, clapping his hands in congratulations.

“Dammit Gavin!” he hisses, “What are you doing here?! You’re ruining the mood!”

 _‘Going nowhere fast, we’ve reached the climax_   
_We’re together now we’re undone…’_

Usher’s melodic voice is followed by some shuffling sounds under the bed, and a second later, Ray’s head pops out.

“There.” he declares, “The mood is back.” he nods patriotically at Michael, “Got your back, bro.” and drags Gavin back into the bathroom, shutting the door behind them.

Michael sighs and rests his head on Lindsay’s shoulder in defeat. As she offers a comforting  pat on his back, Michael closes his eyes and wishes with all his heart that the two lads would simply poof out of existence.

“Why’d you do that?” Ray’s voice is heard behind the closed door over Usher’s wails about making love.

“Do what?” Gavin questions loudly, “I was congratulating them!”

“Yeah, but…”

Michael tunes out their conversation and gets off the bed with a huff. Lindsay calls out to him as he stomps towards the bathroom and kicks the door open. “Fuck you, Gavin!”

“Michael, no!” Ray yells.

Michael lunges.

Gavin squawks.

 _‘You say it’s better if we love each other separately_   
_I just need you one more time…’_

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

The problem with ice-packs is that there is no moderate temperature when using them. Either Gavin’s hands and face are freezing, or the rapidly blooming bruise on his cheekbone is throbbing.

“You didn’t have to punch so bloody hard, you minge.” he grumbles moodily. He would have added more creative insults, but Michael huffs angrily and he decides it is wiser to keep his gob shut.

“So, why are you here?” Lindsay inquires, hoping to spark a conversation before Michael is sent to prison for first degree murder. Her question is answered by more glares directed at Gavin, exaggerated moans to induce pity and a creaking sound as Ray balances precautiously on the back legs of his chair.

Lindsay nods and says, “Good talk. I’m just gonna…” she pulls herself off the couch and hastily makes her way into the kitchen. Gavin can fend Michael off. It’s every man for himself and Lindsay is smart enough to know when to retreat.

“Really though,” Gavin insists, “You didn’t have to hit that hard.”

A cry of pure frustration escapes from Michael’s throat as he launches himself at Gavin once again, aiming for his throat. Unfortunately, Ray and Lindsay are there to stop him.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

“Really.” Michael deadpans. He’s making a show of not struggling against the bonds that are binding him to the chair. “Is this necessary? Guys?”

“Yes.” Ray and Gavin answer in unison and Lindsay pats his dark curls in sympathy.

“Why don’t you tell us what you’re really here for?” she asks, an annoyed tilt to her voice.

“I’m glad you asked.” Gavin says. He clears his throat and holds his hand out imperiously in front of Ray.

“Hmm? What?” Ray snaps out of his reverie, “Oh yeah, the poem.” he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a crumpled piece of paper that smells of raspberry slurpee, and ignores Gavin’s outstretched hand, instead tossing it to Michael.

Michael stares at the piece of paper in his lap, then looks up. “The fuck am I supposed to do with this?” he snaps.

“Read it.” Gavin answers cheekily.

Michael jerks against his bonds, causing the Brit to jump back. “Come here, you little shit!” he shouts.

“Come on, guys,” Lindsay steps in, “We’re all adults here. Let’s be civil.”

Ray’s the only one who nods in agreement. But he’s also the only one that’s still balancing precautiously on the back legs of his chair.

“Yeah,” he adds, voicing his thoughts. “Let’s all be civ–whoa–oof!” Ray’s vision is suddenly filled with beige ceiling and a crystal chandelier. He sighs and lifts his head to see three raised eyebrows. “I’m an idiot.” he states matter-of-factly, before anyone else does.

Having learnt his lesson, Ray gets up, pulling his chair up with him, and sits down properly. “Lets all be civil here.” he mumbles quietly.

“That paper,” Gavin resumes, in an important tone, “Will lead us to jackpot.”

Michael’s rage lessens at the word, ‘jackpot’. “Treasure hunt?” he asks.

Gavin grins.

“Gavin, you cheeky little spaff!” Michael exclaims, all trace of anger gone, “Why didn’t you say so?”

“I called, but you didn’t answer.” The brit replies.

Michael’s mind flashes to a phone that’s resting at the bottom of the ocean. “Uhhh…yeah…” he clears his throat and says, “My phone’s broken.”

“I called Lindsay as well.” Gavin tells him.

“Did you?” Lindsay asks in a fake ditzy voice. Images of a shattered screen, flashes of red and strangely enough, a turkey comes to mind. She returns to reality and offers an oblivious grin, “I didn’t notice.”

Gavin folds his arms across his chest and raises an eyebrow, while Ray breathes out a ‘huh’ at their pathetic excuses. But they let it go.

“So this jackpot will set us up for life.” Gavin informs the couple.

“Who else is in on this?” Michael immediately asks, “Because the last time we went on a treasure hunt, those bastards left us to die in the middle of an ocean.”

Ray raises a hand. “I am.”

“Just two other guys…” Gavin tells them. At Michael’s narrowed eyes, he adds, “They’re trustworthy, I swear.”

“Yeah, I’m out.” Lindsay declares, standing up.

“Wha–wait what?” Michael stutters, “Where you goin’?”

“You boys can hunt the shark…but I’ve got a megalodon to catch.” With those mysterious words and a quick kiss on Michael’s lips, she leaves the lounge.

“What’s a ‘megadong’?” Ray asks.

Gavin brushes the question off with a wave of his hand. “So, I say it’s time we meet the crew.”

~.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm...something is missing... O.O


	4. The Riddle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we have them meeting. Enjoy!

**Chapter Four - The Riddle**

Sitting across one another in a café, Jack, Geoff, Ray and Michael eye each other suspiciously. They’ve been at it since Gavin stated that he needed to ‘go to the loo’.

“Can I have your orders?” A waitress asks.

She’s ignored as the four men continue to eyeball each other. Once she notices the tense atmosphere surrounding the four shady looking men, she slowly backs off and decides to call the cops.

A few minutes after she’s gone, Ray blinks and lets his head fall on the table. “Jet lag.” The Lad offers for ruining their stare contest.

Everyone else relaxes.

“How do you know Gavin?” Jack asks curiously.

Ray mumbles something that’s incoherent to the others, while Michael shrugs, not really understanding how he _does_ know him. He just...knew him.

“Same.” Geoff sighs dejectedly.

At this point, Gavin returns to the table and settles himself between Michael and Ray. He wipes wet hands on Ray’s shoulder and Ray can’t even be bothered to complain or move away.

“So,” Gavin starts with a clap, “About the map–”

“Excuse me, gentlemen,” an authoritative voice says.

The five men look up to see two cops standing by their table. “We’ve received complaints about suspicious activity on this table.”

And even though four of the men had only just been introduced to each other, they still come to the same conclusion and declare in unison, “It was Gavin.”

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

The cops let Gavin go without too much hassle and they leave the café empty handed. Gavin half-heartedly punches Geoff on the shoulder and mumbles, “Thanks for that. Didn’t even get to order my tea.”

An hour, four coffees and one tea later, the group sit around a table and discuss their options. The privacy of the hotel room means they can discuss openly and disagree with each other as loudly as they want.

 _‘Dangerous now is the path you sail,_   
_If you fear not the light, you will prevail,_   
_Grave is the fate of the men who turned back,_  
_Daring they were, but stupidity they lacked,_   
_Every man follows the lure of the map,_   
_Every man falls to the illusion of the trap,_   
_Push onward, weary traveller, for the treasure you seek,_   
_Eyes on the grey, watch the jagged teeth,_   
_Rest, weary traveller, for the light upon the peak,_   
_For the strike marks the spot of the treasure beneath,_   
_Open your arms to admit defeat,_   
_Open your eyes if you wish to succeed,_   
_Look back at the end and treasure your friends,_   
_Set sail, weary traveller, the adventure begins.’_

Gavin puts down the paper and looks at the others expectantly. It’s the first time that Michael has ever heard him speak so solemnly. He’s half expecting Gavin to do something stupid any moment now, but the Brit just continues to stare at them.

“Are we…” Ray pauses and looks around the room, like he’s searching for an answer to Gavin’s expectant gaze. He finds none and continues, “...meant to do something…?”

Gavin turns so his eyes focus on Jack. “I’m gonna need the original copy.” he states, and he’s still so...not Gavin, that Michael feels like he’s stumbled into an alternate reality.

“What?!” Jack exclaims, “No!” he folds his arms across his chest and glares at Gavin, then adds, “The Mona Lisa!”

Gavin flushes. “That was an accident!” he splutters out.

Ah, the universe has righted itself again. Michael settles into his chair as Geoff sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “Here we go again…” he murmurs.

“Isla de Muerta!” Jack spits out before Gavin can start defending himself against the first accusation.

It goes on like this for a while. A verbal tennis match in which Gavin is getting thoroughly smashed.

“The Aztec gold!” Jack cries, voice shrill.

“It wasn’t–”

“Tutankhamun's cousin!”

“What?! I didn’t even–”

“Zeus’ lightning bolts!”

“Yes, well…”

“The…” Jack stops talking and leans forward in his chair so that his face is inches from Gavin to hiss, “Chintamani Stone…”

Michael can almost see Gavin’s hackles rising and the air around him tensing, like the sky before an oncoming storm.

“Alright,” Gavin begins. He sits up straight and truly glares at Jack. “You know that wasn’t my fault.”

“I know only one thing,” Jack tells him, “And that’s that you _gave_ the map to the monkey.”

“The monkey snatched it from me!” Gavin exclaims, “What was I supposed to do?! Climb a bloody vine and–and _swing_ after it?!”

“Yes!”

Michael lets out a snort and sinks into his couch in an attempt to conceal his laughter. He hasn’t heard about this adventure, but he’ll be sure to ask Gavin about it later.

“I’m not a monkey Jack!”

Jack raises an eyebrow. “Aren’t you…?”

Before their squabbling can descend into a real fight, which will consist of Jack hulking out and Gavin crying out for Michael’s help, Geoff decides to take initiative and stop them. “Alright!” he huffs out, like he’s the parent telling off his children, “That’s enough.”

“Aw man,” Ray’s voice flows from the kitchen. He comes out with a dejected look on his face and a bowl of popcorn in his arms, “We were just getting started.”

Geoff spares him an exasperated look and decides that it’s not worth it. He turns to Gavin and Jack. “Jack, give him the map.” he orders.

Jack almost pouts like a defiant child when he says, “No,” in a petulant voice.

Geoff sighs again. “Jack, we don’t have time for this.”

His voice is a whine and he sounds so tired and broken that Jack is persuaded to do as he’s told. But with conditions of his own.

“Fine.” he huffs, and then his tone changes suddenly as he says, “But I’m gonna laminate it first.” He procures a laminator and a plastic sleeve along with the map from behind his back, like he’d been expecting this to happen.

If anyone else apart from Michael finds this weird, they don’t show it.

“What?!” Gavin exclaims, “You can’t just–you can’t laminate an ancient map!”

Jack places the map in the plastic sleeve and feeds it to the laminator, before looking at Gavin angrily. “You can’t give them to monkeys either.” he retorts with a self-satisfied lilt to his voice.

Gavin furrows his brows and glares at him.

The laminator beeps to signal it’s finished laminating and Jack plucks the map from the machine to hold it out for Gavin. The Lad continues to glower for a good few seconds before snatching it from Jack’s grip. He observes the map, frustration still clear in his eyes. “I need a globe.” He demands.

Ray leans back, hand disappearing behind the chair for a second and in the next, he’s holding out a globe for all to see. “Got it.” he says before handing the object to Gavin.

Michael silently wonders when and why did Ray get a globe and kept it with him at all times, only to procure it now.

The Brit places the globe and the map on the table and proceeds to spin the sphere. The four men watch him, wandering what he’s doing.

Gavin lifts a finger and stops the globe from spinning. “There.” he says.

Four pairs of eyes glance where his finger has landed.

If this had been their first time working with Gavin, they would have called bullshit. But they’ve all had firsthand experience with the Brit and his strange, unorthodox ways of treasure hunting. So no one questions the questionable way he announces their destination.

“We’ll need shovels.” Gavin informs them.

Geoff reaches behind his back and pulls out five new shovels with the tags still attached to them. “Got ‘em.” he announces as he places the shovels on the table.

“Is no one finding this weird?” Michael questions.

“We will also need a ship.” Gavin speaks over him.

Michael, finally feeling like he can contribute something to this bizarre meeting, says, “I’d pull out a ship, but I don’t think it’d fit into this room.”

The four men stare at him judgingly, disapproval clear in their eyes.

Michael, feeling like a child who’s been berated, reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny toy ship, wondering why the fuck the thing was in there in the first place. The disapproving gazes don’t cease.

“It’s a replica of my actual ship.” Michael clarifies. This information is new to him as well.

“Ohhhh.” everyone says in unison.

This time, it’s Gavin who reaches into his pocket and pulls out something. Something that Michael immediately recognizes.

“Great!” Gavin says, a huge grin plastered on his face, “I’ve got the keys.”

~.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so their adventure begins. You likey?


	5. Easily Distracted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we have a little shopping spree! Enjoy!

**Chapter Five - Easily Distracted**

Gathering supplies for the mission should be easy. A simple stroll in the park. Like taking candy from a baby. Unfortunately with Gavin, nothing’s ever that easy.

It started out well enough. The five men had discussed the tools that would be needed (the tools they couldn’t procure from their back) and made a list. In an effort to get to know one another, Michael takes half the list and follows Jack, while Ray takes the other half and goes with Geoff. Gavin had opted to stay at the hotel, puzzling over the map and informed the others that he’d meet them at the designated spot in three hours. With that decided, the men had gone their separate ways.

Jack and Michael, tasked with getting diving gear (just in case), spare clothes and sleeping gear, head out to the nearest camping store.

There, they find a store that suits all their needs and more, within half an hour, they've purchased the supplies and have bonded quite well over the stupidity of Gavin.

With time left to spare, after completing their task, the two men head to the McDonalds nearest to their rendezvous point to dine as gentlemen did.

On the other hand, the second group had encountered a minor problem.

Geoff looks longingly at the rows of alcohol.

“Alcohol’s counted as food, isn’t it?” he asks this question to no one in particular, but Ray still answers with a resolute ‘no’.

Gavin had warned him about the Gent’s love for ‘bevs’, and told him that under no circumstances was alcohol allowed to enter the premises of Michael’s ship.

So Ray grabs the Gent’s arm and drags him over to aisle three, where the chips are.

Geoff looks at the colorful rows of plastic bags half-filled with air and says, “Yeah, no, this isn’t happening.”

“What? Why not?” Ray asks, as he scoops an armful of chips and proceeds to dump them into their cart.

“You can’t live off chips.” Geoff berates him, “We need to sustain a healthy diet for the mission.”

Ray raises an eyebrow. “And that healthy diet includes alcohol?”

Geoff crosses his arms across his chest defensively, “It’s only a bit on the side. Like Michael and Red Bull.”

“But Red Bull doesn’t affect him the way alcohol would affect you.” Ray argues.

There is a long silence in which Geoff seems to be contemplating something, while Ray decides the whole shelf belongs in their cart.

“We need to maintain a healthy diet for the mission…” Geoff says, “But, I don’t see why we both can’t have a little something on the side.”

They stare at each other. Then Ray slowly begins to unload the chips from the trolley, secretly taking pleasure in the way Geoff’s shoulders slump and the tentative hope in his face crumble.

After another moment of silence that Ray allows Geoff to mourn for his loss, they stroll off to aisle seven.

Aisle seven is filled with canned goods, like beans and…beans...and oh look...corn!

Ray wheedles the car so that it’s directly against the shelf and begins dropping cans and cans into it.

“Boom.” he whispers gently as each can falls.

Geoff desolately looks at the beans filling the trolley. He sees a dark world ahead of him and decides that his light in the darkness will be chocolate. “We need chocolate.” he declares.

Ray doesn’t argue.

They move to aisle one and stare lovingly at the chocolates.

Geoff takes a few steps closer to observe each chocolate with a scrutinizing gaze. “Do we want Kit Kat or...Toblerone...or...oh, how about hazelnut? No...but I really want mint! How about we get all of them?”

After a few more seconds of talking, Geoff realizes that he’s been conversing with himself. He tears his gaze away from the chocolate and finds the Lad looking longingly at a poster as if it’s hypnotized him.

The cardboard paper advertises Ferrero Rocher and Geoff exclaims, “Yes! I agree!” he moves to get several boxes of Ferrero Rocher, but notices Ray is still frozen. “Watchu lookin’ at, buddy?” he inquires curiously.

Geoff moves over to him and tries to see what has caught the lad’s attention. All he sees in the poster is golden balls of heavenly chocolate resting in the cusp of blooming red roses.

“You want the poster...” Geoff comes to realize. “...because it has roses?”

Ray nods unconsciously.

“You know, you can have it…” Geoff pauses and waits for Ray to look at him. The Lad does so, eyes brimming with hope. “...if I can have alcohol.”

There is no hesitation, no pondering on Gavin’s orders when Ray shakes Geoff’s outstretched hand to seal the deal. “Done.”

Geoff hurries to get the alcohol with the cart and when he comes back, he sees Ray and an employee in a little game of tug-of-war with the poster.

“It’s mine!” Ray insists.

“Sir, I saw you tearing it down from the shelf.” the employee argues in a calm and collected voice.

“No you didn’t.”

Geoff rushes between the two because he can feels hackles rising. He puts a hand on both men’s shoulders and looks at the employee.

“Hey…” he squints at the nametag, “Jon, I’d appreciate it if you kept this quiet.” he pulls out his wallet. “This is my friend Benjamin. He’d like to be your friend too.”

Jon stares at the bill, unimpressed. Then pulls out his walkie talkie. “I need security in aisle one. Security in - hey! Give that back!”

“Everything is fine!” a cheerful voice declares over the PA system. “C’mon Ray, lets get outta here!”

Geoff grabs the cart and flees, while Ray jerks the poster from Jon’s grip with a strong tug. He gives the employee a dirty look and says, “Mine.” before taking off after Geoff.

The two men run towards the checkout counter, where two security guards are waiting for them.

“Get in.” Geoff commands.

With a shout of “Parkour!”, Ray vaults into the cart, while Geoff gathers enough speed and hangs off the trolley.

They blaze past the stunned security guards with Geoff throwing a wad of cash into their faces. “Keep the change, assholes!”

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Jack unfolds a serviette and tucks it into the collar of his shirt.

Michael stares at him, a little befuddled, but more amused. “Why are you doing that?’ he finally feels the need to ask, “This is McDonalds.”

“This is an eating establishment.” Jack answers primly, “And I won’t eat like a fucking animal." He proceeds to shove several fries into his mouth, but the serviette prevents gravy from dripping onto his shirt.

Michael shrugs. “Fair enough.” he says and tucks in.

A few seconds later, two men, sweaty and out of breath, slide into their booth.

“Sup.” Ray greets.

“We’ve already unloaded the food into the car.” Geoff informs them, before anyone can ask, “Just wanted to grab a bite.” he looks at Jack, “How long did it take for Michael to ask about the napkin?”

“This is our fifth meal.” Jack replies.

“I was wondering about it the whole time.” Michael admits, “I was staring at the damn thing, like, why the fuck is he doing that?”

“It’s a habit.” Jack clarifies.

A waitress arrives with Ray and Geoff’s food and the four men descend into a comfortable silence, while they aggressively stuff their faces with processed fat.

Two meals later, the four men leave McDonalds with full stomachs and head towards the underground parking.

They wait ten minutes before Geoff’s patience runs out. “Alright, where is that asshole?” he asks no one in particular, as he takes out his phone to call the Brit.

But before he can even unlock the phone, the sound of gunshots echo through the empty lot.

A moment later, a lanky man is hurtling towards them, fear clear on his face. He clutches a laminator, a globe, five shovels, a replica of a ship and a key in his hands, and a map is tightly wedged between his teeth.

Twenty or so men also come around the corner, shooting guns like they’re Storm Troopers and yelling what seems to be threats in a foreign language.

“Leg it!” The lanky man is stupid enough the yell, and the map goes flying. He realizes his mistake and growls, “Bollocks!”

But Jack had already predicted that something like this was going to happen and he’d already picked up the map from the puddle it had landed in.

“Ha!” he cries victoriously, “I told you laminating it was a good idea!” A bullet whizzes past his ear and he ducks, “Oh, shit!” He flees back to the car Geoff has started. “Go!” he shouts.

“Gavin, c’mon!” Geoff yells.

“Leave him!” Jack replies from the passenger seat, “They want him! Not us!”

Geoff insists on staying, but when a bullet pierces the driver seat window, any argument that Geoff has, loses their standing. With a hasty, “You guys pick him up!” directed towards Michael and Ray, he speeds towards the exit.

Michael and Ray are stunned by the turn of events and have not moved an inch. Gavin is the first one into Michael’s car. He dives in through the window and lands in the passenger seat. After righting himself, he yells, “Get in, you nobs!”

The other lads spring into action and do as they’re told.

Gavin slams his foot on the pedal and speeds out of the parking lot. They are followed out by the men chasing them.

“Gavin,” Michael speaks calmly through the haze of bullets that are miraculously missing them all.

The Lad takes his eyes off the road to look at him. “Yeah, boi?” he asks.

“When did you learn how to drive?”

~.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D


	6. Crooks And Crooks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, guys! Enjoy!

**Chapter Six - Crooks And Crooks**

The silence that follows Michael's question is enough to answer the question.

In the backseat, Ray’s arms tighten further around the rose poster he’s been clutching protectively, ever since he freed it from the evil clutches of the supermarket.

There is a moment where time seems to stand still. Them Michael is lunging for the wheel from where he’s sat in the passenger seat.

Instincts kick in and Gavin automatically attempts to jerk the wheel away from prying hands, forgetting that it’s a part of the car. His violent jerk causes the car to steer out of control, veering into oncoming traffic.

In the backseat, Ray lets out a startled scream as the door swings open and he almost falls out. In his panic to grab onto something to prevent his face from meeting the asphalt, he releases his grip on the poster.

“Jesus!” Gavin gasps, veering back onto their side of the road, as horns blare in the disturbance.

Ray falls back into the car, door slamming shut behind him. He scuttles to look out the open window and sees the rose poster blowing in the wind, as if saying a gentle goodbye.

“Ray…” Gavin’s voice warns from the driver’s seat.

Ray’s eyes, already on the door handle, shift to meet Gavin’s apprehensive ones in the rearview mirror. “What?” he asks.

“Ray…”

“What?” Ray repeats, as he reaches for the handle.

Michael looks into the rearview mirror to see what’s caught Gavin’s attention in the _middle of fucking driving!_ “Fuck.” he hisses, upon spotting the dangerous position of Ray’s hand.

Chaos ensues.

Within a second, Ray is opening the door and attempting to dive out the car as Gavin lunges for him and Michael reaches across to take control of the wheel, almost like it was planned.

“Let it go, Ray!” Gavin shouts, as the youngest lad continues to struggle against the tight grip on his jeans. “It’s gone!”

“We have to go back! We have to get her!” Ray screams back.

Michael is yelling something in Gavin’s ear but Gavin is a _bit_ busy at the moment. He yells at Ray, who’s world shatters before his eyes as he witnesses a bullet pierce right through the heart of the rose poster.

“Glegory…” he whispers.

What happens next is blurry for him. One moment, he’s watching the poster fall to the road and get run over by cars and in the next, he’s expertly constrained by seatbelts.

The calm is shattered when Michael commands in a panicked tone, “Gavin! Stop the car!”

Gavin tries to turn back to the front to see what has Michael so worried, but finds himself also constrained by his own expert knot tying skills. “Why?” he asks obnoxiously.

“Gavin, stop the fucking car!”

Something loud whooshes past them in a blur and Gavin is shocked into slamming his foot on the brakes.

The car rattles as a train makes it’s way past from behind them.

“What are you doing?! We’ve already passed the fucking tracks!” Michael exclaims, “Drive, you idiot!”

“ _You’re_ an idiot.” Gavin mumbles childishly, as he speeds the car up again.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

 _Tuggey_ is a beauty of a ship. Geoff doesn’t know much about ships, but he can tell this one is a beauty. In the docks, it stands proudly, a flag depicting an angry bear and a cute red bird atop the mast. Compared to the other ships, it’s size is neither big nor small. Big enough for at least ten men to live in. Small enough to sail with speed.

Overall, it’s a modernized and seaworthy vehicle. With two top floors and probably a spacious deck, Geoff can tell Michael has probably spent a lot of money on this thing.

Michael, who is nowhere to be seen.

Geoff wonders if Michael died in the hail of bullets that Gavin has brought down upon them. He shares his thoughts with Jack, who shrugs in response.

“He seems like a tough guy. He’ll be fine.” Is the Gent’s reply.

Sure enough, Geoff hears Michael...screaming...?

Where is he? The dock is empty, except for Jack and himself.

“Gavin stop! Gavin stop the car! GAVIN!”

Around the corner, a car comes speeding towards them. Geoff catches the look of horror on Michael’s face, before coming to his senses and diving out of the way.

“Hit the breaks you fucking asshole!”

The car comes to an abrupt stop, but not fast enough. Geoff watches in shock as his car is bumped and tumbled over the dock...with all his precious…

“My alcohol!” Geoff shouts and attempts to dive after it, but Jack has always been quick, even though he doesn’t seem like it. He predicts Geoff’s moves before Geoff can even come to execute them and is already countering his actions by grabbing him by the back of his shirt and pulling him back as the gent attempts to dive in.

The car slowly sinks and Geoff’s eyes follow it’s sad descent. He mewls like a sad little kitten when it disappears underwater and then decides to take his pain out on Gavin, who is surely to blame for all this.

However, Gavin is still tangled in Ray’s seatbelt and is struggling to escape it’s vicious grasp.

“Michael, get it off.” the Brit cries sadly, “Oww, Michael, my hands are chafing.”

“You’re the one who fucking tied it!” A pause while Gavin continues to struggle, entangling himself further, “Stop moving, you fuck! Wait, why am I helping you? You almost got us all killed!” He stumbles out of the car as Gavin continues tugging.

In the backseat, Ray lies slumped. Geoff would have thought him dead had he not seen his chest moving up and down in even breaths.

“What happened?” Geoff asks, his voice cracking like a boy in the throes of puberty.

Gavin wrenches himself free and stumbles out of the car, followed by Ray.

“We have to go back.” Ray says in a desolate voice, “We have to go back for Glegory.”

“Who’s Glegory?” Jack asks, while Gavin signals the Gent to stop talking from behind Ray. But it’s too late.

“She was the love of my life!”

Michael rolls his eyes and Gavin gives Ray sympathetic pats on the back while simultaneously trying to block his shrieks and wincing when he fails. Ray is generally a quiet guy; but he can be extremely loud when he wants to be.

“She was red and beautiful and blooming...and everything I ever wanted!”

“Think about Tina, Ray.” Gavin murmurs soothingly.

“Tina would have accepted us with open arms! She would have-”

“Wait,” Geoff cuts in, finally catching on and momentarily forgetting his own loss. “Are you talking about the poster from the market?”

“She had a name!” Ray yells, en- _Ray_ -ged. “It was Glegory!”

Before anyone can say anything about a masculine name given to a female poster, the sound of gunshots ring through the air.

“Let’s haul anus, guys.” Michael’s voice comes from above and the crew looks up to see the Lad already on the ship with everything from the surviving car already loaded.

Everyone hastily retreats into the ship, Gavin dragging Ray along and Geoff with a final glance towards the place where he had lost everything.

“I’ll come back for you.” he whispers, his words a soft promise, “I’ll come back.”

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Dr. Xiong watches a ship, _Tuggey_ speed away from the docks.

“Dr. Xiong!” one of his men calls out, “They’ve escaped!”

With one mighty shove, Dr. Xiong pushes him into the water. The man allows himself to sink for a while, because coming up too soon will only result in him getting thrown back in. He reaches the bottom and thinks, ‘well, that was quick’. When he looks down, it’s not sand underneath him, but the black hood of a car.

He surfaces and shouts, “Dr. Xiong! I found something!” and allows himself to sink once more because Dr. Xiong hasn’t permitted him to get out yet.

“Come back up, Tao.” Dr. Xiong commands before his head is below the surface.

Tao does as he’s told and reports his findings. “A car, sir. It’s filled with alcohol. We can run the license plate through the system and see who it belongs to.”

“Well done, Tao. Well done.” Dr. Xiong praises him. “Now, go drown for another five minutes before following us to base.”

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Geoffrey Lazer Ramsey.

There is a goofy face pictured beside the name. A face with a handlebar moustache and sleepy eyes.

Kibum had pulled out the records and found who the car had been registered to. Dr. Xiong had expected more than just...this guy. But appearances could be deceiving.

Dr. Xiong should know.

“Sir, there were four other men with him.” Tao says, “I’m sure one of them was... _him_.”

Dr. Xiong reaches for the first solid object he could find and hurls it at his second in command.

When Tao sees the stapler flying straight for his face, he doesn’t dodge.

“Of course he was with them! That’s why we were chasing them!”

There is silence, because no one dares to speak during one of Dr. Xiong’s rage sessions.

“The question isn’t ‘who they are’,” Dr. Xiong spits out, breathing heavily, “It’s _how we capture them_.”

“This Geoff guy, from what I’ve found out about him, he’s a tough one to catch sir.” Kibum states, “Broken out of prison, robbed banks and...uh...a candy store, sir. We’re gonna need heavy artillery if you want them in alive.”

“Well, no one here is competent enough.” Dr. Xiong hisses, “And I can’t do this on my own.”

“I know a guy…” Kai speaks up. He looks around shiftily, like he’s being hunted, “He’s known in the underground as The M-”

“Don’t finish that sentence!” Dr. Xiong cries, panic clear in his eyes, “Don’t you know what will happen? Don’t you know?! Speak the name and he will appear. Speak the name...and it’s too late…”

“Wow. I’m flattered by the aura of fear you’ve given to my presence.” A deep voice comes from the back of the back of the room. The melodic tone is soothing, yet deadly at the same time. It has everyone reaching for their guns...that _just aren’t there_. “But there’s really nothing to fear…at least not yet.”

The man strides up and Dr. Xiong’s men, however brave and loyal they are, cower in fear and part like the Red Sea to give way to him.

“Dr. G Q Xiong,” the man says, looking at the nameplate on the desk, “Do you require my services?”

Dr. Xiong tries to be cool, calm and collected, but his fingers are already reaching for his collar and tugging at it anxiously. “Yes.” he answers, too afraid to find out what will happen should he say ‘no’. “Yes, I need you to bring me this _Geoffrey_ back alive.”

“What about the rest of his men? I hear they went on a cruise.”

Dr. Xiong wonders how long the man had been listening to their conversation, but isn’t stupid enough to ask. “I just need Geoffrey,” he says, “One of his men took everything I am. And now, I will take everything that is his...slowly, painfully. So he can suffer like I have.”

“Consider it dum-done...gah! I mean don-done.” the man flubs and Dr. Xiong and his crew stare at him strangely, because he is the most dangerous man in the world. No one expects the most dangerous man in the world to flub words.

“Consider it done.”

~.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wonder who that was...


	7. Shipwreck...or nah?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see! Sorry.

**Chapter Seven - Shipwreck...or nah?**

The weather shifts slowly. When _Tuggey_ left the docks, the skies were blue and welcoming. _Hello_ , they said to Geoff, and pulled him into their warm embrace. The sun smiled down upon him and Geoff smiled back, the loss of alcohol dulled for a second.

But as they approached their destination, grey clouds swirled around them. The waves grew choppier, smashing against the hulls like rocks.

“It’s okay,” Michael had assured him, “I’ve seen worse.”

So Geoff had gone back to his cabin and continued grieving for his alcohol. It was only a moment later that Michael entered the cabin with a solemn look on his face.

“Uh Geoff…” he’d calls out hesitantly.

Geoff props himself on his elbows to look at him and says, “Yeah, bud?”

“It’s not okay.” Michael replies, “And I haven’t seen worse.”

As soon as those words had left his lips, the ship had rocked violently and Geoff was flung off his bed.

The wall meets his cheek with a hard slap. Michael greets his genitals with smushed glasses and a painful yelp.

They toss about until they regain their footing, clutching the wall for dear life and calling out for their comrades. No one answers their call, but they hear a startled squawk in the distance and decide to go to the main deck.

Moments later, they stand with their fingers glued to the railing, looking at the mother of all storms.

“Oh God!” Gavin squeals, appearing out of nowhere and staggering to join Michael and Geoff on the deck.

“Where’re Jack and Ray?!” Geoff shouts over the thunder.

“In the control room!” Gavin shouts back. “Ray wants to call you guys in so we can huddle and die together!”

Geoff scoffs. “I’m not gonna die a coward.” he states solemnly.

As soon as the words leave his mouth, a cresting wave bitch slaps him in the face. He stands there for a second and time stands still with him. The handles of his moustache droop with the weight of water and look defeated, as if they had been the only thing that kept Geoff standing.

“Let’s go.” he says, voice void of emotion.

The three men stumble against the violent rocking of the boat and somehow manage to find their way to the control room without falling overboard.

“This is Glegory’s vengeance!” Ray cries as soon as they enter the room. “She will have her revenge! She will-”

“Ray,” Geoff cuts in, “You’re in here with us too, bud.”

Ray contemplates this new information with a stupid, yet thoughtful look on his face. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

_CRACK!_

Everyone jumps at the sound of thunder and are immediately blinded as the control room is illuminated by lightning.

“Oh God!” Jack whimpers, “I don’t wanna die with you guys! I wanna die in my wife’s arms! With some bacon in my stomach...and in my head!”

Another _CRACK!_ resounds through the room, but the light that follows is not white this time. It’s orange-y.

“AAAAHH!” Michael’s flat scream startles everyone more than the thunder, “The deck is on fire!”

“Quick! Jack, piss on it!” Gavin commands.

“Fuck you! I’m not going out there!”

Those are the last words said on the ship. A wave that no one sees coming, hits them like, _wham, bam, thank you mam!_ and it’s lights out for the men.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Jack dreams of bacon and tacos and wakes up to...

...not bacon and tacos, that’s for sure.

He groans, body protesting against any movements, as he attempts to sit up. Beside him, in a heap of knotted limbs are Gavin and Michael, both still unconscious. Geoff is slumped awkwardly on a chair, head lolled back and mouth wide open to catch flies.

There is actually a fly hovering above his lips. Jack watches it with mild amusement until his gaze falls on Ray. The lad is huddled in a corner, eyes glued to his phone, obviously playing a game.

As if sensing eyes on him, Ray looks up and spots Jack awake. “Sup.” he says and goes back to his game.

An unusually loud snort pulls Jack’s attention from the lad and he turns just in time to see the fly get vacuumed into Geoff’s mouth.

The moustached man jerks wildly, coughing out the fly as he wakes up. “What happened?” he gasps, voice cracking.

“We survived.” Jack replies, “We survived.” he repeats, because he’s not sure if they actually have.

Geoff glances around, taking in the damage of the ship and all the people still in the control room. He counts five, then focuses on Gavin’s unmoving body.

“Is he dead?” he asks and Jack can hear the cautious hope blooming in his voice, feels it swelling inside himself as well.

Gavin coughs, just to spite them. And Geoff’s shoulders slump. He untangles himself from Michael, surprisingly quiet and sits up.

“Wake up, Michael,” he says, fingers poking and prodding Michael’s body, “Lindsay’s gonna kill me if you’re dead.”

“You’re already dead!” Geoff yells, before he launches himself off the chair and onto Gavin. He lands atop the Brit and wraps his fingers around his throat, choking him.

Ray lowers his Nintendo and looks at the scene in uncertainty. “Uhh...should I help?” he asks no one in particular.

“Yes!” Gavin chokes out.

“No!” Geoff snarls.

“Eh.” Jack adds.

“Owww.” Michael groans.

“Michael, my boy! You’re alive!” Gavin exclaims, seemingly forgetting that he’s being choked. He remembers in the next second and resumes gasping for breath and clawing uselessly at Geoff's hands.

“Die!” Geoff shouts, but even as he says those words, Jack can see his fingers loosening around Gavin’s scrawny neck.

Jack knows why. He feels the same. He wouldn’t purposefully kill Gavin, but he wouldn’t mind if he were to die by someone else’s hands...or his own stupidity.

Eventually, Geoff lets Gavin go and lies down beside him, small broken cries escaping his throat. “We’re all screwed!” he whimpers.

Gavin pats him sympathetically. “There’s no one else I’d rather be screwed with than you, Geoff.”

That makes Geoff cry louder.

Jack staggers to his feet at the same time as Michael. The two men stumble over to the window and look out.

They can see clearly now the rain has gone. They can see all obstacles in their way...mainly that _fuckton of lightning striking the water_  right ahead of them.

“Oh fuck!” Michael swears, and moves to anchor the ship.

His actions has everyone coming towards him to look at what new troubles await them, apart from Ray, who continues playing on his Gameboy.

“Oh fuck!” Geoff imitates Michael as he sees the flashing purple lights.

For a while, the men stare and what lies ahead of them. A dolphin breaks through the water gracefully and several bolts of lightning strike, as if saying, “fuck you in particular.”.

Jack imagines they would suffer the same fate if they were stupid enough to sail onward.

“Yeah, no. Let’s go home.” Michael declares and turns to the control room. He pauses when Gavin splutters indignantly and turns back to look at him.

The Brit pulls out a soggy piece of paper that Michael identifies as the copy of the riddle. “We have to keep going.” Gavin insists, “Look at what the poem says! _‘Grave is the fate of the men who turned back. Daring they were, but stupidity they lacked’_.” He looks back up at them expectantly, then sighs in disappointment when all he receives is three blank faces and one uninterested one.

“Buddy, not even alcohol could get me to sail through that.” Geoff says.

“ _Grave fate_ , Geoff!” Gavin shouts, “That’s what we’re facing if we turn back. _Grave fate_!”

Jack watches another poor dolphin get fried. “Better than being electrocuted.” he states.

“I’m with Jack on this one.” Michael says.

“Michael, why?” Gavin asks of his boi, betrayed.

“Hey, if you wanna go through that,” Geoff says, “Go ahead. I’m not stopping you. I’ll tell Meg you died bravely.”

Gavin falters at Geoff’s words. “I...but I-I...I mean...what?”

Jack stares impassively, watching as Gavin’s courage fails him in the face of abandonment.

“You’re seriously gonna let me go there alone?” he asks.

When he is met with silence, he turns to look at his last resort, at Ray. The Puerto Rican, feeling eyes on his back, turns from playing Minecraft on his laptop to look at Gavin. “Don’t look at me.” he says, apathetic.

“X-Ray and Vav?” Gavin asks weakly.

Ray stares at him, eyes void of any emotion, before releasing a sigh of defeat. He logs out of his Xbox live account, switches the 80” LCD Plasma HDTV off, and walks over to Gavin and repeats solemnly, “X-Ray and Vav.”

~.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates might be slower. My sister and I are very busy these days.


	8. Fear Not The Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slowness on the updates. This story has not been abanoned!

**Chapter Eight - Fear Not The Light**

Ray stares at the pathetic little thing that Michael had proclaimed a rowboat.

“We’re gonna die.” he states.

“Nah, it’s fine.” Michael says, giving the boat a little pat, assuring him even as the boat springs a leak.

“Ohh, seventh leak!” Jack exclaims excitedly, kneeling down with duct tape to stop the leak. “You know, seven’s a lucky number in some cultures. You’ve got seven leaks. It’s your lucky day.”

Ray gets in, murmuring the names of his most loved games like a prayer. He sits down gingerly on one end, while Gavin stumbles in with his usual lack of grace on the other. The boat sways wildly from side to side and Ray clutches on to it for dear life.

“Dammit Gavin, don’t rock the boat!” he hisses.

Gavin offers him an apologetic smile and offers a meek, “Sorry.”

Before he can say anything else, Michael is shoving oars into their hands and sending them off with a big push. “Bye guys!” the oldest Lad calls out. “Send me a postcard from hell!”

They begin rowing in silence, Gavin actually too scared for once and Ray focusing on the movement of his oars, so they don’t go around in circles.

As they get closer to the fuck storm, Ray’s focus falls from the oars to the millions of dead dolphins bobbing on the surface of the water.

“Well, it’s been nice knowing you, Vav.” Ray says and before his courage could fail him, with one last pull of the oars, they enter the storm.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

“How long do you think they’re gonna last?” Geoff asks conservatively.

“Not even a second.” Jack replies cheerfully, watching the two Lads row closer and closer to their doom. He waves at them happily, even though they can’t see him anymore.

“I think they’re gonna last.” Michael argues back, quick to back up his Lads, even in their absence, “Might not be for long, but they’ll last.”

“Yeah,” Geoff agrees, yawning, “I’m gonna give them a minute or two.”

They watch quietly as the boat gets smaller and smaller. When it’s a few yards away from the storm, Geoff gets up. “We should call them back.” he says, concern bleeding into his voice.

It’s an open secret that they’re all worried for the two Lads. So when Jack pulls out his phone, no one mocks him.

“Shit!” the Gent swears, shaking his phone violently, “There’s no signal!”

Michael glances at the boat. Gavin and Ray seem to have paused at the edge of the storm. “They’re not stupid,” he says, sighing with relief, “They won’t go in.”

But even as he says those words, the boat is sailing into the storm with a particularly powerful row.

“Oh fuck!” Geoff utters. He expects lightning to fry the two Lads. He expects lightning to strike the boat and then fry the two Lads.

None of that happens.

As the boat enters the storm, the lightning intensifies and a million bolts rein down upon the boat...but never hits. They collide in brilliant colors upon an invisible forcefield that has appeared over the boat.

“The fuck?” Jack murmurs.

In the distance, Goff hears Ray exclaim, “I’m still alive!” while Gavin squawks happily.

“Holy shit!” Michael cusses in amazement.

“Well,” Geoff claps his hands together, adrenaline shooting through his veins and leaving him jittery, “I guess it’s full sails ahead.”

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

“Yes!” Ray says gleefully, “Part for me like the Red Sea!”

The lightning strikes ahead of them, seemingly listening to Ray’s commands and part like a curtain.

Gavin watches in awe. He had been ready to stop at the edge of their impending doom, but Ray had been stronger than him and pushed them in.

With his life flashing before his eyes, Gavin had prayed for forgiveness for every sin he’d committed. Whatever higher power that existed hadn’t smoked him, so clearly Gavin hasn’t committed any sins. He will continue living as he is...a constant pain in everybody’s asses.

The two Lads continue rowing across the storm. The waters are surprisingly calm in their protective sphere, the only ripples being caused by the movement of their boat.

Gavin pulls out his map and reads out, “ _‘Grave is the fate of the men who turned back. Daring they were, but stupidity they lacked. Every man follows the lure of the map. Every man falls to the illusion of the trap’_.”

He finally understands what that part of the riddle meant.

Ray scoots to sit beside him and looks at the map. “What do you think would have happened if we turned back?” he asks, curiously.

“Something grave.” Gavin replies. He grins smugly, eyes twinkling with superiority and he looks back at the ship approaching.

Ray sighs and facepalms. “Here we go.” he murmurs, defeated.

Gavin looks at the ship approaching them. “I was right,” he says, then shouts, “Suck my nob!”

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

“Gavin was right.” Jack murmurs to himself in shock. “Gavin was right!” he repeats, as if testing the words.

“Suck my nob!” Gavin’s voice calls from the distance, adding insult to the injury.

“He’s not gonna let this go.” Michael says glumly. Everyone hates it when Gavin is right. It’s like swallowing a lemon whole and choking on it.

Now that the shock of the parting lightning has worn off, Geoff has swooned into a chair, like a damsel in distress, with an arm flung over his eyes. “He was right.” he all but sobs, “How could he be right?”

“Hey, Geoff,” Michael calls after a while, “We’re coming up on them. Wanna compose yourself?”

Geoff shoots up from the chair, just as Gavin and Ray are pulled back into the ship. Before the Brit can even open his mouth for his well earned right to brag, Jack quickly recites, “ _‘P_ _ush onward, weary traveler, for the treasure you seek. Eyes on the grey, watch the jagged teeth _’_._ ”

“I’m guessing those are the ‘jagged teeth’.” Michael nods ahead of them and they all turn to stare at what he’s looking at.

Just a few yards in front of their ship are monstrous grey rocks protruding from the ocean. They certainly hadn’t been there a second ago. Michael cranes his neck to gaze at the tips of the rocks. His eyes follow the crevices and the jutting ledges, all dripping with water and it isn’t stupid to believe that whatever this place is, it probably emerged from the depths of the ocean. He’s seen a lot since he first started on this ‘career’ of his, but this magical island beats them all.

“How are we gonna get in?” Jack wonders aloud.

Michael scans the rocks for a sea cavern or something they can get in through. But all he sees is the bottom of the rocks, solid and covered in moss and vines.

“I’m not climbing those vines.” Geoff declares while Jack nods in agreement.

Ray shrugs. “I’m cool with it.” he says.

“I know what to do.” Gavin speaks in a confident tone.

Jack would like nothing more than to make a cutting remark, but he holds his tongue because he knows that Gavin has the upper hand here. It seems that the others know this as well, since no one opposes when Gavin marches them down to the leaky life boat and commands them to get in.

With a few minor incidents - “Jack, get the shovels.”, “No, fuck you. You get the shovels.”, “For fuck’s sake, I’ll get it!”, “Thank you, Michael.” - they leave the ship anchored and row towards the monstrous rocks.

Sitting in a boat and looking up at the sheer size of the rocks, Jack has never felt smaller. He’s half-afraid that the tip of one of the rocks will break free and spear one of them. He’s half-hopeful that said person will be Gavin.

Nothing happens, leaving Jack both disappointed and relieved, as Gavin crawls past everyone to the front of the boat.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Gavin.” Michal curses, trying to become one with the edge of the boat as it rocks violently with Gavin’s not-so-graceful movements, “Tip all of us over, why don't you?”

Gavin ignores him and stands up with the map in one hand. He stares imperiously at the green-grey rocks before him, just inches from his face and says, “Open sesame.”

~.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a nice day, everyone!  
> Darii, out.


	9. Percival the Ocelot...I Mean Crab

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long break. Hope you didn't miss me too much. Anyway, here's the next chapter. Enjoy!

**Chapter 9 – Percival the Ocelot…I Mean Crab**

When Ali Baba said, “Open sesame,” the cave magically opened up. This is the result that Gavin kind of wanted. Unfortunately, the rocks before him didn’t give way and he’s left staring the them like a right tit.

The gloating rights he had, vanishes as Geoff snorts and says, “Maybe it’s _Sher-locked_.”

“Shut up.” Gavin mumbles sadly.

“No, no,” Michael joins in, pretending to be all-knowledgeable, “ It’s _Swordfish_.”

Jack adds in his two cents. “I’m pretty sure it’s _Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio.”_

Gavin laughs sarcastically. “Very funny guys.”

“Oh yes, _very funny,_ Gavin.” Michael’s agrees, voice indicating that it’s anything but. “Very fucking funny.”

“Funny as dicks, dude.” Geoff adds.

“Hahahahahahaha.” Jack says in a monotonous voice.

“Guys, c’mon, stop it.” Gavin pleads.

“Oh, please stop! Gavin you’re killing me!” Jack continues, “It’s too mu-”

“If you guys are finished destroying Gavin,” Ray cuts in loudly, “I’ve found the entrance.”

Gavin turns to look at Ray and sees the Lad in the water by the rocks, fingers tangled in some vines and tugging at them to reveal the entrance to a dark cave hidden behind them.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Geoff whimpers and scoots closer to Gavin in an attempt to become the conjoined twin Gavin never wanted. “A mermaid!” he cries, cutting the circulation to the Lad’s arm, “I saw a flesh-eating mermaid!”

“Oh, for God’s-” Gavin groans and rubs his temples with this free hand. He thinks no one notices him when he peeks at the water for mermaids out of the corner of his eyes, but Ray sees all.

He contemplates on whether or not he should call Gavin out on it, but is distracted before he can come to a decision.

“Holy shit!” Jack exclaims, and everyone turns their heads to look at what’s caught his gaze.

“I see the light.” Ray murmurs as he sees the exit to the cave.

Geoff gasps, “Row, you fools! Row!” while pulling on his own oars.

After rowing through the dark cave for what felt like hours, the crew feels reinvigorated to see an exit to the cave. They row with all their night and before reaching the light, they reach the shore.

Gavin is the first to scramble out of the duct tape laden lifeboat. With the damp, raspberry slurpee smelling piece of paper clutched in his hand, he stumbles out of the cave and onto the island.

There, the Lad falls to his knees in a dramatic fashion and prostates to kiss the ground. A second later, he is veering back with a muffled squawk.

Attached to his nose, is a cute little crab, barely the size of Ray’s palm.

“Get it off!” Gavin screams, hands waving about frantically, as Geoff collapses into laughter beside Ray.

Michael sighs and moves towards his boi. “Hold still, you fuck.” he says, not angry, just disappointed.

Within the blink of an eye, he’s by Gavin’s side and yanking the crab off a squawking Gavin.

The crab flies through the air as Michael tosses it and lands a foot away from Ray. The youngest Lad observes the tiny yellow thing with its huge green eyes and brown spots. He kneels down while Geoff scrambles back with a startled, ‘oh shit!’.

“It has a tail…” Ray notices out loud.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

“I can’t believe you kept the damn thing.” Gavin grumbles as he trudges through the sand. He glares mutinously at the monstrosity that is sitting of Ray’s shoulder and his nose throbs with a phantom pain.

“His name is Percival.” Ray declares in an almost dreamy voice. “Percival the oce-crab. Percival the crab.”

“That’s not a crab!” Gavin yells, “Crabs don’t have tails!”

“Aww is someone upset?” Michael asks in a squeaky, slandered British accent. “Is poor Gavvy-wavvy upset? Fuck off! Nobody cares!”

“Stop being a pissy little piss-pot, you mingey arsehole!” Gavin retorts.

Not too far behind, Geoff breaks away from his conversation with Jack to laugh at Gavin’s ‘words’.

“Well Gavin, maybe I wouldn’t be such a pissy little piss-pot if _Tuggey_ was still here!” Michael shouts.

“It’s still here!” Gavin shouts back, while Ray covers the non-existent ears of his stupid not-crab.

“It’s a pile of debris floating in the middle of the fucking ocean!” If Michael had gone to a tomato look-alike contest, he would have won; that’s how red his face was.

“It’s not my fault that your boat got hit by lightning!” Gavin argues. Apparently leaving a ship anchored in the ocean meant that the lightning wasn’t going to be merciful.

“It’s always your fault!”

Jack steps forward to try to defuse the fight with a stern but gentle, “Come on guys, let’s not do this here.”

“No Jack, we have to do this here.” Michael grits out, voice half crazed and half forced calm.

“Look Michael, I know you’re upset,” Jack says, “I would be too if my ship got destroyed. But right now, whe have to focus on finding the treasure. This island is miles long and we have no idea where to start. So let’s not waste any time.”

“I have an idea where it could be.” Gavin speaks up, seizing the opportunity to divert Michael’s anger. He pulls out the soggy piece of paper with the poem and recites, “‘ _Push onward, weary traveller, for the treasure you seek. Eyes on the grey, watch the jagged teeth. Rest, weary traveller, for the light upon the peak. For the strike marks the spot of the treasure beneath.’”_

There is a long silence.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Geoff asks, speaking what everyone was thinking.

Gavin scratches the back of his head, “No bloody clue.” He admits.

At that exact moment, Ray spots a bolt of lightning strike the highest peak of the island mountains. He yells out an aborted sound that catches everyoe’s attention. They’re only just quick enough to move out of the way as the lightning redirects towards them, striking the spot that Gavin had been standing mere seconds ago.

Gavin makes a strangled sound. Ray clutches Percival the crab to his chest and feels his totally-crab tail curl around his wrist. Geoff is struck dumb and Jack has somehow managed to teleport himself 7 feet away.

Michael is the one to look up at the sky and starts shouting, “Come on! Is that the best you’ve got?!”

“Michael! Don’t aggravate the island!” Geoff barks.

Ray decides it’s a strategically sound move to retreat several more steps back.

Gavin decides to add in his two cents, “Michael, you tit, don’t anger the Island Gods!” he screeches, “You’re gonna get us all killed!”

You,” Michael says, with a death glare, “shut the fuck up.”

“No, Gavin is right.” Geoff says, looking like it’s causing him great pain to agree with the Brit. “Island Gods are dangerous as dicks.”

Michael stares dumbly, before snapping in a hysteric voice, “Bullshit! Island Gods my fucking ass! Gavin doesn’t know shit about this island. We’ve been flying blind since the very beginning!”

“I got you here, didn’t I?” Gavin defends himself.

“Yeah? And how are we gonna get out?” Michael demands to know.

Gavin’s eyes flick towards the entrance of the island where the shitty lifeboat bobs safely hidden under the cave’s protection.

“That’s a great idea, Gavin. We’re just gonna row back to America.” Michael spits out sarcastically, “I’ve been meaning to work on my biceps. Always wanted them to be the size of a fucking watermelon.” At this point, Geoff breaks out into a belly aching laugh, but Michael is not finished, “Oh wait, we’ll probably be dead before that, since we don’t have enough food!”

Gavin, finally beginning to get more than annoyed at Michael’s pessimistic attitude, retorts, “Well, if worst comes to worst Michael, we’ll just eat you!.”

Michael lets out a cry of pure, unadultered rage and charges at Gavin. They fall onto the ground, sand billowing out under their weight.

Ray would help out; he would, but Percival needs a house. And this is really good sand to make a sand castle with. So he ignores Gavin’s cries for help as Michael pummels him into the sand.

When Gavin realizes Ray won’t be coming to the rescue, he turns to Geoff and Jack.

But Geoff is just as useless as Ray, if not more. He’s fallen to the ground and rolling around, as peals of laughter escape him.

When Gavin looks to Jack, he finds the Gent has already had enough and is trying to dig his way to China in a bid to escape their infectious stupidity.

The strange thing is, instead of saying, ‘fuck this, I’m out’, Jack is shouting, “I found it guys!”

“What?” Geoff asks, the echoes of laughter still in his voice. He crawls over and begins to dig as well. “Ray, get our equipment.” He orders as Michael also catches on to what’s going on and releases Gavin.

With the promise of treasure, all traces of stupidity leave the men and shit gets real.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

“Who the fuck brought a pickaxe to a treasure hunt?” Geoff complains after twenty minutes of cooking under the sun. “It’s useless as dicks!”

Seven feet worth of sand is dug up and there is still no trace of promised treasure. It makes Geoff want to whack Gavin across his abnormally large and stupid nose.

“Uh, you did.” Gavin reminds him not-so-helpfully.

“Shut up, Gavin.” The Gent snaps.

“Let’s keep it together guys.” Jack says, always the voice of reason.

On either side of him, Ray and Michael shovel the sand with furious intent. Ray has never been so serious about anything else, other than gaming…and Percival. It’s a miracle. Even Percival the crab seems motivated by their hard work and has left the safety of his sand castle in favor of sitting on Ray’s head as a personal hat and is wiping his sweat away with his totally-crab tail.

A bit of lightning strikes the spot not too far from the crew and they all flinch.

“Fuck.” Michael swears under his breath and begins digging at a quicker pace.

“Ow! Ow! Percival stop! Percival! What’re you doing?!” Ray cries as the crab suddenly starts quivering and pinches the lad’s ears as gently as it can. “Percival, no, don’t do that!”

“See! It’s evil! It’s attacking you!” Gavin exclaims as Ray takes the crab from his head and cups it gently between his hands.

“Don’t be stupid,” Ray says, “he’s just scared.”

“It’s probably the lightning.” Geoff says, while half-heartedly trying to dig with his stupid pickaxe.

Percival rolls his eyes, as if he can understand what they’re saying. He wraps his tail around Ray’s neck and uses it as leverage to make Ray look up. However, he’s too slow and Ray doesn’t catch the shadow of the man who’d been standing over them a second ago…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm unsure when the next update will be. These are busy days!


End file.
